Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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