He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
