How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize