I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
