You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
