Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
