I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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