I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize