um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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