the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
