I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
