Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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