I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
