Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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