her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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