Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
