So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
