She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
