I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize