I just made out with a guy for $7.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
