Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
