Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
so explain again why im purple
no
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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