You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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