I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
