3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
