Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize