dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Acid is not a monday night drug
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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