You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
