Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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