i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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