im having a threesome with these popsicles
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
How's work?
Spinning.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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