I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize