My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
