After last night, I could never be a politician.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
