If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
