She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
