The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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