It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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