Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
