Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
