I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize