his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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