i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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