I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
