good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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