So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
