somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize