hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
