You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
