just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
