I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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