i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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