At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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