apparently the secret to your success is patron
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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