Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize