the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
