She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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