im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
