Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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