Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
