We named our party play list daddy issues
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
