im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Randomize
