did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
