You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
