The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize