Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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