I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He? As in you personified your dick?
this is an emotional support booty call
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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