I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
