At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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