Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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