Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
